Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
