glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
