He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
