all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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