i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
