Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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