You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
