Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
