What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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