i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
