is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
