I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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