i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
