I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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