i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
