so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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