my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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