You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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