in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
40s are totally the cure
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
