There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
