I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
