Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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