so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
