WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I looked at my own cervix.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
