I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
