Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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