Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
