life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
