I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
