I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
