We're like a lot better than the average bears
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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