Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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