Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
