I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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