I think scott just propositioned me for sex
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
