You're earring is so big in my mouth
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
