I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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