i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
