she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
