He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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