And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
