I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
