Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
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