i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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