First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
