Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
