once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
