Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
