I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
