if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
