hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I looked at my own cervix.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
