I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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