Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
